I’m in today’s Sunday Business Section of the New York Times!
I have never been this personal with my artwork. The closest has been in my sketchbook, but as I was up late into the night one evening drawing another piece out I realized I received therapy from it and perhaps it’s time for me to come clean. I’ve had my apprehensions about ever posting this series and explaining the reasons behind it, but up until recently I also need to learn to not hesitate. So, bear with me.
It has been two years since I was able to get rid of something that was weighing heavily on me, and since then I have honestly been fine. I survived it and I could carry on and even openly talk about it and express my concerns when I heard about other people in the same situations. While several of my friends knew what I had gone through because they witnessed it, there are other people who do not know exactly why I struggle with doing things any other person could normally do. Up until the last several weeks, I have been alright-really happy even-and then somehow a wave of anxiety crashed against me and it has been ongoing for a while.
I have been struggling with this inner turmoil and insomnia, and I was trying to figure out why I seem to be in such a state. It was until last week I drew out some reflections and realized it’s because I have never completely washed myself of what I thought I had left behind those two years ago. It has been hard for me to let go of it and the fear comes back up when I meet new people. I have admitted it is why I am scared of certain relationships, and even the relationship I hold with myself has been uneasy.
To hear people say emotional abuse is not real or is not as serious puts me in a bad state of mind, especially as someone who experienced emotional, and even sometimes physical abuse, for about a year and a half. I had the revelation that it does have its after affects on my relationships with other people and even myself. I go back through the ongoing list of things this person always found wrong with me and I wonder if other people think the same thing. I wonder how I appear to people I just meet and if he was right all along. I never had a voice when I was with him, and I was continually told that my feelings were “bullshit”. Eventually when I was nearly done with everything, I picked up smoking from the stress I dealt with and it even served as a form of rebellion for me against him.
At one point, I finally could walk away and the minute I made the decision, I was happier. The feeling was indescribable, and I really am okay now. I am still careful, probably too careful, and I still don’t have confidence with a few things. I am still scared of relationships; at one point I didn’t even believe in them. I am always quick to apologize even it is not my fault. I’m dealing with anxiety now, but being able to come clean and get the emotions drawn out on paper has already been therapeutic.
So now this is shared with you all, and I just needed to get this out somehow.
No pants, no problems.
When you can’t sleep. But who knows why anyway.
If Tumblr and my followers were a pillow, I’d hug you all.
For my Square Carousel Challenge this month! It was a free challenge, so we were allowed to do whatever we wanted.
I hit this Tumblr milestone about a month ago, and wanted to do a little something to show my appreciation before it was too late. Somehow I missed the 1000 and 2000 marks, so I figured this would be a good time to do it.
And Pi doesn’t care, but she sat next to me the entire time I worked on this. Sorry I’ve been slacking on the posts. Even I fall into some funks now and then, but this was a nice change of pace. Nice to work a bit looser than normal. I’m slowly working back into drawing more again, but thank you all for sticking with me, watching me grow, and appreciating the work I create.
I was up late one evening last week just surfing the internet when I received a message from a follower suggesting I watch PJ, Tiny Planet Explorer by PJ Liguori. As pictured, I clearly enjoyed it and found inspiration in the two minutes and ten seconds it lasted. It had me wonder what ten items I’d pack if I moved to another planet and I thought the ten things he packed said a lot about his character. So, here I am after creating a mock film poster for this short film that has even won an award.
I was curious and looked through and watched like 3-5 of his other videos (I know one was Office Space and another was Lullaby Box) and his creativity is quite contagious. I was in a bit of a slump last week just exhausted from my various jobs and I’m happy I was able to find the energy to make this. He’s quite a story teller and I think he’s one of those creatives everyone would love to collaborate with (I certainly would at least in terms of comics or other). It also opened my eyes to the fact that YouTube is entirely a separate culture that I had zero knowledge of until now.
Ink with digital media.
DISCLAIMER: I have zero connection to PJ Liguori and he did not partake in the creation of this mock film poster. This is purely inspired.
We are finally picking our interviews back up again, as we have quite a few new members to share with you all! First up is Courtney Wirth, a delightful and addictive illustration personality who never ceases to bring a humorous outlook to her work. In Courtney’s portfolio, quirky culture either…
My interview with Square Carousel Illustration Collective is up! I’m not the greatest at explaining myself some times, but I think what I’m trying to say gets across. And these were actually some pretty good questions. Some of them I had to sit for awhile and really think about my answers.
Challenge 28: Lyrical Inspiration//Mansions on the Moon
Just some added flavor.
I really don’t know how these ideas get into my head sometimes, you guys.
Check out the Sunday Business section of the New York Times today, either online or grab a printed copy :)
Article here: http://www.nytimes.com/2013/02/24/jobs/how-offices-become-complaint-departments.html?ref=business&_r=0
Hopefully you’re not too busy to notice, but I guess with the red thread, you’ll find each other eventually.
Happy Valentine’s Day. I’m spending it with my cat.
It’s complicated and in progress.
Gutz+Glitz. I was going to wait to post this, but I’ve just been on a roll.
He only drinks coffee out of fine china, smokes cigarettes out of a theatre length cigarette holder, and is only ever seen in a fur coat and his Ox Blood Doc Martens boots.
And he is the head of organized crime.
Tastes like Lana Del Rey.
Brush and ink with digital coloring.